Author Interview - The Way Through

Question: Why is this book called The Way Through?

Answer: Well it actually comes from this story that a writing professor told me, when I began to have extreme psychological disturbances because of this new type of writing technique that he had taught me. I’m not going to tell you the story; you’ll have to read the book to get that. But, I will say this; the story involves a Tibetan monk! Anyway, the way through is basically about how people resolve and overcome life’s most difficult obstacles. And even though I am using my own personal story, we all keep running into the same obstacles, in different forms. Almost all of life’s obstacles can be traced back to a fear of some kind. We all have to face those fears. Doing that is the first step to finding your way through.

Question: Who should read The Way Through?

Answer: Anyone who wants to know the way through, the way to face your fears and get through that process. I would say that would be :
anyone who has suffered from childhood trauma (emotional, psychological, physical., sexual abuse), and wants to get over it; anyone who has suffered from low self-esteem, a lack of self-confidence and a lack of self-love and wants to overcome; anyone who has been a member of a dysfunctional family, and wants to stop participating in those same old dysfunctional cycles; anyone who has suffered from an addiction (Substance-abuse, food addictions, emotional/psychological addictions) and wants to be free of it.; anyone who wants to know how to live a peaceful and spiritually fulfilling life.

Question: That’s a lot of people! Are you sure that all of these people will get something from this book?

Answer: Yes. Because all of the above experiences occur because of a condition or state of fear. What surprised me most when I first started writing about my own experiences with childhood abuse and mental illness, was that I thought I was totally alone in my experiences; I felt like some deformed freak of nature, whom no one would be able to relate. But, I quickly learned, through my writing and through sharing my life experiences with others, that almost everyone I spoke to could relate to how I felt about my experiences; and everyone wanted to tell me their own experiences and talk more deeply about them, and to get more information from me about my experiences. So I discovered, not only that I wasn’t all alone in my experiences, as I had initially believed, but that there were so many others who had similar feelings of pain, grief, fear, anger and a need to express it and process it. I was blown away by it all, initially.

Question: Why did you write this book?

Answer: I wrote it for all of the people who kept telling me “Amber you should really write a book about this stuff! Amber, please write a book about your life.” I learned, through my writing groups, when I was getting my Masters in English ant George Mason University that people really seem to enjoy my writing that I do about my life. So many people encouraged me to do this particular kind of writing. It wasn’t what I had in mind. Honestly? I’ve always wanted to write Sci-fi. But the more encouragement and requests I got about my autobiographical writing, the more I realized it was something that I should probably do, because there was a demand for it. Which is definitely a good thing, if you aspire to be a popular writer! (Which I do!)
 

Question: Why is this book divided into three parts?

Answer: The three parts basically represent three stages that everyone would experience in finding their way through. The first part of is called “The Deep Slumber” and it was, by far, the most difficult part of the book to write. It is basically about what actually happened to me in my life. It’s called the deep slumber because a lot of difficult things happened to me very early on in life. I was never taught to question these things or to try to gain any kind of awareness about why these things where happening to me and my family or what my life was about, or what I was supposed to learn from these experiences. I just accepted the experiences based on what they felt like to me. And they felt very frightening, painful, terrifying and miserable. Therefore that was what life was to me, fear, misery, pain, terror. I was always trying to run away from these feelings, without having a real understanding of these feelings, what caused them and how they were affecting me emotionally and psychologically. I constantly lived with all of these negative emotions, but I wasn’t really conscious of them. In a sense it was like being asleep. Many people are in this state of unawareness right now. They’re asleep and they need to WAKE UP! And take control of their life.

The second part is called “The Awakening.” It deals with me becoming aware of my life and doing what I needed to do to heal from the past.

Part Three is called “The Way Through” and it is about the application of the concepts and principals that I learned during my period of awakening; and how I apply everything I learned to my life today: a life that is filled with far greater peace, success and fulfillment, than anything that I ever experienced before I knew the way through.

Question: Why was the first part so difficult for you to write?

Answer: During the first part of the book, I go into a brief overview of the first part of my life, where as a child, I endured a great deal of abuse, mainly due to the fact that my father a very controlling and abusive personality which was only exacerbated by his mental illness (Bipolar Disorder.) When I would think of things that happened to me in my childhood, like for example how I once went without food for about two weeks, I would get very angry. I would just become filled with rage and anger toward my father, my mother, and everyone in my family who I believed had failed me, during times like this. I would also become filled with grief. I just couldn’t deal with the fact that my father had seemed to care about me so little, that he exposed me to all of these dangerous and difficult experiences in life. As a result, for a longtime I couldn’t even think about my childhood without experiencing a great deal of pain. So I just didn’t want to think about any of it (let alone write about it!) Getting to a point where I could write about my experiences was a long, hard journey. But I did it, and that is all a part of how I found my way through.

Question: Why is Part two called “The Awakening?”

Answer: Well, as strange as it may sound, when I was about twenty-seven years old, I began to feel like; someone was actually tapping me on my shoulder, shaking me out of a deep slumber of some kind, saying to me “Wake up! Wake UP!” Up until that point in life, I had no real awareness of my life. I was doing everything on automatic pilot. I was living, mainly for the sole purpose of avoiding pain, especially the kind of pain that I had experienced in my childhood. That was all I ever thought about, “How can I avoid the pain of a, B, C, D?” And I would come up with little a variety of plans for this. But ironically enough, because I had never dealt with that pain, and processed that pain in a healthy way, I continued to be in great pain. In fact, pain seemed to follow me! Every where I went, I was in pain even though almost all the circumstances of my life had changed for the better. I was, actually, as bizarre as it may sound, recreating that pain constantly inside of my own head! I call Part Two “The Awakening” because it explains how I actually woke up to my life. When I woke up, I began to realize that I was in control of my life: it was my creation. I was responsible for my current painful condition; and that in order to get out of that condition I would have to do, what my therapist referred to as “the work.” “The work” is basically the task of examining the past conditions that caused my pain, taking whatever steps I needed to take to heal from that, and then move forward. Not an easy process.

Question: You discuss the concepts of this process of healing and recovering from past pain and trauma in part three. In your opinion, what is the most important concept discussed in part three?

Answer: I would say forgiveness. Most importantly you have to forgive yourself. Most people who are suffering from some kind of psychological or emotional pain, have all of these negative emotions that they are directing internally, anger, shame, guilt, fear, resentment, hatred…the list goes on. People are holding themselves accountable for all of these negative emotions, and feeling bad about themselves for feeling them and exhibiting them; and so everyone has to get over the first hurdle of forgiving oneself. Once you do that, it enables you to ask others for forgiveness and then forgive others, which are two very important parts to the healing process. Once you have gotten all three types of forgiveness down, then you are really and truly free. And when you are free, from all of that negative energy, you can make you life into whatever you want it to be.

Question: Do you really think that is true? That people can make their lives whatever they want them to be, just by releasing all negative emotions and thoughts?

Answer: I absolutely believe that! Since I found my way through, I have tried to live my life according to that principal. However, I haven’t always succeeded. Still, to this day, I struggle with, letting go of every single negative thought and emotion that comes into my head. But I know, beyond any reasonable doubt, that letting go of all negative thoughts and emotions is the only way to get to the other side. And once you get to the other side, what you have is a life of total contentment, peace and fulfillment on every level. I know this because I have experienced periods of fulfillment when I have let go of negativity. Also, I have been able to transform my life and get closer and closer to my vision of the perfect life through the power of positive thinking.

Question: And what do you visualize as the perfect life?

Answer: Total fulfillment on every level, physically, psychologically and emotionally and spiritually. That’s a lot of different levels, but what can I say, I want it all!

Question: Can you describe what that looks like?

Answer: Sure when I speak of physical fulfillment what I mean is what I experience in the physical world, a healthy body, a nice house, great family and friends, good times! You know, the good life! I want to get the most out of life. I really want to enjoy every second of every day. To me- that’s living. Psychologically and emotionally I want peace inside of my mind. I want to have the deep sense that life is good. Life is always good. I don’t want to be plagued with doubts or fears of any kind. And finally spiritually: I want to feel as if I am making a difference in this world; and I have always believe that the best way for me to do that is through helping other people who have had experiences similar to mine figure out their own way through. This is what I have always wanted to do with my life.

Question: And do you think you will be able to do that with your life?

Answer: Oh I KNOW I’m going to do this in my life! In so many ways I already have. I was born for this! Follow me, I am going to show you, the way through!